Free, Furnished, and Strangely Characterful: Inside the No Tell Hotel
⭐⭐⭐ (3/5 Stars for the facilities) | Free Adult Venue
QUICK FACTS
Price: Free
Adult-rated: Yes, adult furniture throughout
Best For: Anyone seeking a quick, no-cost rendezvous, this is not a holiday place
Privacy: None - typical free venue limitations
Standout Features: Quality adult furniture brands, Art Deco ground floor
Group/Tag: None required
BOTTOM LINE
A surprisingly decent free adult venue that rises above others of a similar nature. While it won't win design awards, quality furniture and unexpected amenities make it a reasonable choice.
Overall Look and Feel
Located on the appropriately named Bordello Street, the No Tell Hotel knows exactly what it is and doesn't pretend otherwise. The entrance sets a more sophisticated tone than expected, with Art Deco styling and a reception area that wouldn't look out of place in a noir film.
The ground floor maintains this 1920s glamour aesthetic reasonably well, featuring a bar and stage area with decent Art Deco touches. However, ascending via the clearly signposted elevator reveals an identity crisis - the upper floors abandon the theme for what can best be described as "1970s Mediterranean hotel chic." Think dated Spanish or Greek holiday resorts with marble fixtures and dated color schemes that somehow manage to be characterful rather than just old.
Semi-erotic artwork adorns the walls throughout, though these modern pieces clash with the Art Deco aspirations. One particularly memorable water colour painting style piece depicting fellatio certainly makes the venue's purpose clear, if it wasn't already.
The Accommodation
Three bedrooms are available, each featuring different adult furniture systems:
Room 1 - Houses a Ruckus "Do the Things" bed, an SL staple that looks basic but functions well. En-suite bathroom with bath and WC.
Room 2 - Features a Good Moaning bed (a highly regarded brand), decorated with neon erotica. The bathroom here is actually decent, sporting a quality Lalou bathtub.
Room 3 - Equipped with a Cumming Soon bed and more erotic wall art.
The variety of bed engines allows you to choose your preferred interface. All rooms are free but offer zero privacy, anyone can walk in at any time, which is standard for free venues but worth noting.
Facilities
The No Tell surprises with its range of amenities:
Pool Area: Basic design with marble finishes, won't win awards but functional
Hot Tub: Quality Lalou brand
Gym: Unexpected but welcome addition
Spa Room: Again featuring Lalou fixtures (shower and bath)
Locker Room: With Good Moaning showers
Pool/Game Room: Decent recreational space
Bar and Stage: Ground floor, though likely just decorative
Navigation is straightforward with good signposting, and lag wasn't an issue during my visit - though the place was completely empty at the time.
Other Factors
The furniture selection deserves special mention. Lalou, Good Moaning, and other well-regarded brands elevate this above typical freebies. Each bedroom's different system shows thoughtfulness in catering to varying preferences.
The "strangely characterful" atmosphere works in its favour. While the design is basic and the theming inconsistent, it avoids feeling completely soulless - something many free venues fail to achieve.
Conclusion
The No Tell Hotel occupies a solid middle ground. It won't impress those accustomed to premium private locations, but if you are seeking a free, adult-furnished space that looks and feels like a hotel and that maintains some standards, it serves its purpose adequately.
The quality furniture brands, unexpected amenities (gym, spa), and that peculiar 1970s Mediterranean charm make it several steps up from the truly awful adult hotel options that litter the grid.
In conclusion - It is above average for a free adult Hotel or Motel, with quality furniture and surprising character offsetting the lack of privacy and basic design.
